The Blessings of Weakness: Getting Through the Battle

Last semester has been another challenging and unforgettable period in my life. Apart from new opportunities in my academic path, life lessons and discoveries about who God is made it more colorful that made the better me of today.

Trials seemed to make a big a part of that portion.  There were personal, school matters; but, the biggest was about family.

 My sister lost her job and my father’s salary has never been enough to sustain all our needs especially, now, that we have a new angel in the family.  I had to help my parents   using the small allowance I was getting from my scholarship. We could not pay our bills to the point that we had to sell some things in our house just to keep our lines on. And, the hardest thing, my Nanay Thelma (my mother’s mom) was confined in the ICU for more than three weeks while I was fixing my long time dream, a sponsored travel to Malaysia for UN Model. I never arrived to that moment that I completely know what to do. I just wanted to cry, even in school. 

I had to face those trials along my commitments in church and campus ministry. But God is great!  He inspired me to continue my walk with Him. Actually, He carried me through that rocky road. I could not fully imagine how God has helped me  survive those circumstances. I acknowledge: I could never go through that tough journey without God.

When the semester was about to end, Ate Alleli, my discipler, invited me to attend the Leadership Training Institute (LTI) in Tagaytay. Of course, I did not have enough money to join. If I had some, I would rather use it to buy food for my family. Also, during those times, I was also in grief for one of my church mates hurt me so bad. I wanted to forgive this person; but it’s been uneasy especially that he never asked forgiveness from me.

While doing my last papers for that semester, Ate Alleli informed me that two CCC alumni funded my  registration for LTI. I was so surprised. God amazed me so much. I was thinking, probably God had a great purpose for sending me to LTI given that, at first, I did not really have an ardent desire to join.

Well, I was right! LTI was a life-changing experience for me. I realized the urgency of the Great Commission and why it is important for all Christians to obey that command of Jesus. Also, I praise God   because I was released from my anger. I was appeased and I learned the deeper sense of forgiveness.

With a loving and renewed heart, my desire to witness and disciple was boosted. I was so excited  to apply what I learned. So, when I went back home, I readily shared the wisdom I received to my church mates as one of my action points. Praise God!  They were moved and they were able to capture that desire to really start a movement in their campuses. I already arranged my schedule to visit their respective schools- TUP, URS, and STI- to share the Gospel and demonstrate discipleship. I was also able to contact my past and prospect disciples for a new group this coming semester.

Everything seemed to be perfectly set. I felt so much ready to be sent. However, with that passion came a big challenge that wounded a big part of me.

It was evening of November 5, a night before the enrollment and also my first day in Christian Leadership Institute (a Bible school) for a new course.   I prayed to God all my plans for the coming semester. I asked Him  to help me and teach me. After that long talk with God, I could not sleep anymore. I suddenly felt something wrong with my Nanay Thelma (my maternal grandma). I kept checking her in their room.  I was praying fervently that God would once more lengthen her life and that He would remove her sufferings. I was also crying so hard; though, I was the only one who had that attitude during those hours. Then, the next day, with only two hours of sleep, I enrolled in UP. When I went back, the whole house was already flooded with tears; Nanay Thelma passed way.

image from here

I was again in deep pain. Someone I love died- an instance that I never wanted to imagine. A big part of me  seemed so devastated that I even asked God why   it had to happen at that point when I was so ready and excited to follow Him. I could not even get up to continue my enrollment.

To keep my mind busy while waiting for my number to be called (for assessment of my fees),   I continued reading The Path of His Passion by Bill Crowder which I have been doing so since the sembreak . While reading, God gradually revealed to me His message that uplifted my drowning spirit. 

The trials and tests that the disciples of Jesus went through before the Calvary to the cross, which also showed their weaknesses in the midst of pressures, had to happen to prepare them for a bigger plan that God had. Peter was tested and failed; but, he was used to start the first church in Acts. Not to go farther, even Jesus, our Redeemer, went through thorns and bloody punishments He never deserved to fulfill the Father’s plan of saving the people from the certain death. With that, God reminded me that I could never be ready to go to the battlefield unless I experienced the pains of swords and guns. It is just a matter of how you respond to those pressures. It’s either you trust God and let Him renew you or freak out and commit suicide like Judas.

As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” I was once again renewed. I realized that nothing good will happen to me if I just linger to my painful emotions. I have to get up and follow God; and I thank Him, He helped me stand again. I prayed and I thanked God for letting me realize that I was even privileged for going through these situations because that meant He was preparing me for a bigger opportunity of serving Him; for a battlefield that a courageous soldier would never like to miss.

photo from this link.

After all those fruition, I checked again my action points. Suddenly, a friend in my first year came and sat beside me. We had a long conversation about our three years in UP ‘til we came to the point that I was already introducing CCC to her. Praise God because a CCC member already shared to her the 4SL a matter of one or two years ago and she received Christ!  Then, she borrowed a  4SL from me and browsed through it. I did not know how I would ask her a time to talk about it again. I was praying ‘til she, herself, requested if I could review it to her. I laughed to myself!  She had the desire and I had the hesitance. She was very willing to talk about God and undergo follow-ups.  That’s it! God proved to me that in my weaknesses, He would use me.

“That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV)

The next days, it’s school time again. Campus witnessing also started and I am so blessed on how God is working in my life. Our financial needs for the burial of Nanay Thelma were all settled.  My sister got a new job. Well, actually, there are two job opportunities  for her; hence, now, her burden is to choose one! Last Friday, I also had unplanned conversation with my course mate who was a Christian but has been confused of what she is called for ever since she entered UP.  I have been praying for this girl since last semester. Praise God because our talk shifted to following God. And, she herself opened her desire to share to one of our friends whom I am also praying for. God is soooo greattt!!! We planned  how to start  a group and, for the first time, we prayed together.

After few minutes, another friend approached me. She was in disappointments because of the bad news she heard about her acads. I really did not know how I should respond to her; but, praise God, He led and used me to uplift her. Without all the lessons God has been teaching me, I cannot encourage a friend like her who is in deep pain. Experience may be is the best teacher, but God is the best principal who sets us victoriously through these experiences. J

My long time prayer to contact again my disciple in my first year was also answered. I was also able to meet her unexpectedly that day. I met her in one of my classes. She was just trying to get enlisted in that class (prerog) and praise God, she was accepted.  She became open again for discipleship. J

Indeed, there are soooo many opportunities, and there are more unsaid.  But in all of these, I learned  that following Christ requires us to be trained and prepared. Therefore, trials are normal. But in those trials, God is strengthening our faith. He would never allow us to be tested beyond our capabilities. As said by a CCC friend Noreen in our general assembly, it’s not about what we accomplish for God, but what we become because of God.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

Praise God! He prepares me! Praise God for this privilege of serving Him! And, Praise God, I am weak because He is my strength! 

“Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.” 2 Corinthians 4:1 (NIV)